METS HEADLINE TRANSLATOR

Actual headlines about the New York Mets translated into truth.

Jason Bay visits doctor

(NorthJersey.com)

boopity boop boop

Sun rises for 249 trillionth day in row

REYES OFF TO SLOW START

(ESPN.com)

beep beep boop boop boop

REYES REMOVES SELF FROM LINEUP AFTER THIRD AT-BAT TO PRESERVE .333 AVERAGE IN GAME

 

Jose Reyes Mets Headline Translator

FUTURE IS NOW FOR KIRK NIEUWENHUIS

(NY Baseball Digest)

Bloopity Bloop Bloop-Bloop

CRAPPY PLANNING, LEADERSHIP MAKES
FUTURE NOW FOR NIEUWENHUIS

JASON BAY HAS IDENTIFIED HIS
PROBLEM AT THE PLATE

(Metsblog)

Beeeeeep. Boooooop.

BAY: I SUCK

JOHAN SANTANA ROCKED EARLY BY BRAVES
IN METS’ 9-3 LOSS

(North Jersey.com)

Beep.

LIKE NEIL SEDAKA FANS, SANTANA ROCKED EARLY

 

Neil Sedaka Mets Headline Translator

NEW YORK METS 2012 OUTLOOK: CAN THE FANS EXPECT TO BE IN THE POSTSEASON?

(Bleacher Report)

boopity boop boop pooooop

METS’ ADVICE TO FANS WHO EXPECT TO BE IN THE POSTSEASON: YANKEESTICKETS.COM

COLLINS SAYS HE’LL CONSIDER
DIFFERENT SCENARIOS FOR BAY

(Metsblog)

Whoop Whoop Whoop

COLLINS TO BAY: ‘PLASTICS’

WHY I LOVE THE 2012 NEW YORK METS

(Huffington Post)

whoop whoop whoop!

4TH GRADER’S ESSAY ‘WHY I LOVE THE 2012 NEW YORK METS’ REJECTED BY TEACHER
AS ‘TOO IMPROBABLE’

NEW YORK METS’ LACK OF INTEREST IN JOHN LANNAN IS SIMPLY INEXCUSABLE

(BleacherReport.com)

Beeeeeeeeeep.

FANS: ‘HOW CAN THEY NOT BE INTERESTED? THE MAN HAS A HORRIFIC CAREER 1.42 WHIP. THAT’S RIGHT IN THE METS’ WHEELHOUSE.’

PELFREY WAS TOLD BY COLLINS
HIS JOB WAS IN DANGER

(Mets Merized Online)

Boopity Boop Boop

“I ALSO KEPT DOING THE ‘NOOSE AROUND NECK’ GESTURE,” SAID COLLINS, “BUT HE WOULDN’T
TAKE THE HINT”

RESULT SECONDARY TO MOYER’S JOURNEY BACK

(MLB.com)

boop boop boing!

MEDIA: ‘WHO CARES IF HE WINS? I MEAN,
IT’S JUST SO COOL THAT HE’S OLD. THIS STORY
HAS SERIOUS LEGS, MAN. REALLY. GOOGLE IT.
DID WE MENTION HE’S OLD?’

METS DEFEAT BRAVES; START SEASON 2-0
FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2009

(Metszilla.com)

whoop! whoop! whoop!

STATISTICIANS CRY FOUL AS ‘2 WINS 3 YEARS AGO’ STAT SOMEHOW QUALIFIES AS GOOD NEWS

JON NIESE, METS REACH DEAL

(ESPN New York)

boop boop beeeeeep

JON NIESE, METS REACH DEAL: I CONTINUE TO POST AN ERA AND WHIP FAR WORSE THAN THE LEAGUE AVERAGE, YOU GIVE ME $25.5 MILLION

FOR METS’ JOHAN SANTANA,
OPENING DAY IS ON TARGET

(NJ.com)

bloop bloop crash!

FOR BOB DOLE, ERECTION IS ON TARGET


CLOSER DECLARES HIMSELF READY FOR
START OF SEASON

(New York Times)

Honk Honk Snap!

APPARENTLY SORE ANKLE, FLUID IN KNEE,
GENERAL INEFFECTIVENESS NON-ISSUES

 

WRIGHT’S OPENING DAY STATUS LOOKS PROMISING

(MLB.com)

Honk, Hoop, Wharf, Woof

COLLINS PROMISES WRIGHT ‘PRIME SEAT IN DUGOUT’ TO NURSE WHATEVER NEW INJURY
HE’LL HAVE BY THEN

NEW YORK METS: 10 REASONS FANS SHOULD
STILL HAVE HOPE

(Bleacher Report)

honk honk booooooooooop

NEW YORK METS: 10 REASONS FANS SHOULD STILL HAVE HOPE, 8 OF WHICH REMIND READER THAT SUN UNLIKELY TO IMPLODE ANYTIME SOON

 

CLOSURE IS TERRIFIC NEWS FOR METS FANS

(CBS New York)

bop boop bop

METS FANS: ‘CLOSURE IS TERRIFIC.
SO MUCH BETTER THAN WINNING.’

TORRES MAKING HIS CASE FOR LEADING OFF

(Mets 360)

blurp bling bloop

TORRES: ‘WELL, SOMEONE’S GOTTA LEAD OFF’

ARE THE 2012 NEW YORK METS THAT FAR FROM BEING COMPETITIVE
IN A TOUGH NL EAST?

(BleacherReport.com)

crack, smack, beep

ARE THE 1964 TROGGS THAT FAR FROM BEING THE BEATLES
IN A TOUGH BRITISH INVASION?

MURPHY GETS MORE WORK ON TURNING DP

(New York Post)

Booooooooop

MURPHY GETS CLOSER TO INEVITABLE
SEASON-ENDING INJURY

Like it or not, Mets owner here to stay

(NY Post)

Beep, bonk, blap

Like it or not, losing is here to stay

REPORT FROM PORT ST. LUCIE, 3/13

(Mets Cetera)

booooooooooooop

METS GO 24 HOURS WITH
ALMOST NO ONE INJURED, ARRESTED

ANDRES TORRES HAS TIGHTNESS IN HIP

(Mets Blog)

boop clack bank smash

ANNUAL METS INJURY PLAGUE
WELL AHEAD OF SCHEDULE

BORAS RIPS METS OWNERS

(New York Post)

Beep boop boop beep boop

AGENT HAS TASTE FOR LOW-LYING FRUIT

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