METS HEADLINE TRANSLATOR
Actual headlines about the New York Mets translated into truth.
April 20, 2012
REYES OFF TO SLOW START
(ESPN.com)
beep beep boop boop boop
REYES REMOVES SELF FROM LINEUP AFTER THIRD AT-BAT TO PRESERVE .333 AVERAGE IN GAME
April 20, 2012
FUTURE IS NOW FOR KIRK NIEUWENHUIS
(NY Baseball Digest)
Bloopity Bloop Bloop-Bloop
CRAPPY PLANNING, LEADERSHIP MAKES
FUTURE NOW FOR NIEUWENHUIS
April 18, 2012
JOHAN SANTANA ROCKED EARLY BY BRAVES
IN METS’ 9-3 LOSS
(North Jersey.com)
Beep.
LIKE NEIL SEDAKA FANS, SANTANA ROCKED EARLY
April 17, 2012
NEW YORK METS 2012 OUTLOOK: CAN THE FANS EXPECT TO BE IN THE POSTSEASON?
(Bleacher Report)
boopity boop boop pooooop
METS’ ADVICE TO FANS WHO EXPECT TO BE IN THE POSTSEASON: YANKEESTICKETS.COM
April 16, 2012
COLLINS SAYS HE’LL CONSIDER
DIFFERENT SCENARIOS FOR BAY
(Metsblog)
Whoop Whoop Whoop
COLLINS TO BAY: ‘PLASTICS’
April 13, 2012
WHY I LOVE THE 2012 NEW YORK METS
(Huffington Post)
whoop whoop whoop!
4TH GRADER’S ESSAY ‘WHY I LOVE THE 2012 NEW YORK METS’ REJECTED BY TEACHER
AS ‘TOO IMPROBABLE’
April 12, 2012
NEW YORK METS’ LACK OF INTEREST IN JOHN LANNAN IS SIMPLY INEXCUSABLE
(BleacherReport.com)
Beeeeeeeeeep.
FANS: ‘HOW CAN THEY NOT BE INTERESTED? THE MAN HAS A HORRIFIC CAREER 1.42 WHIP. THAT’S RIGHT IN THE METS’ WHEELHOUSE.’
April 11, 2012
PELFREY WAS TOLD BY COLLINS
HIS JOB WAS IN DANGER
(Mets Merized Online)
Boopity Boop Boop
“I ALSO KEPT DOING THE ‘NOOSE AROUND NECK’ GESTURE,” SAID COLLINS, “BUT HE WOULDN’T
TAKE THE HINT”
April 10, 2012
RESULT SECONDARY TO MOYER’S JOURNEY BACK
(MLB.com)
boop boop boing!
MEDIA: ‘WHO CARES IF HE WINS? I MEAN,
IT’S JUST SO COOL THAT HE’S OLD. THIS STORY
HAS SERIOUS LEGS, MAN. REALLY. GOOGLE IT.
DID WE MENTION HE’S OLD?’
April 9, 2012
METS DEFEAT BRAVES; START SEASON 2-0
FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2009
(Metszilla.com)
whoop! whoop! whoop!
STATISTICIANS CRY FOUL AS ‘2 WINS 3 YEARS AGO’ STAT SOMEHOW QUALIFIES AS GOOD NEWS
April 6, 2012
JON NIESE, METS REACH DEAL
(ESPN New York)
boop boop beeeeeep
JON NIESE, METS REACH DEAL: I CONTINUE TO POST AN ERA AND WHIP FAR WORSE THAN THE LEAGUE AVERAGE, YOU GIVE ME $25.5 MILLION
April 5, 2012
FOR METS’ JOHAN SANTANA,
OPENING DAY IS ON TARGET
(NJ.com)
bloop bloop crash!
FOR BOB DOLE, ERECTION IS ON TARGET
April 4, 2012
CLOSER DECLARES HIMSELF READY FOR
START OF SEASON
(New York Times)
Honk Honk Snap!
APPARENTLY SORE ANKLE, FLUID IN KNEE,
GENERAL INEFFECTIVENESS NON-ISSUES
April 3, 2012
WRIGHT’S OPENING DAY STATUS LOOKS PROMISING
(MLB.com)
Honk, Hoop, Wharf, Woof
COLLINS PROMISES WRIGHT ‘PRIME SEAT IN DUGOUT’ TO NURSE WHATEVER NEW INJURY
HE’LL HAVE BY THEN
April 3, 2012
NEW YORK METS: 10 REASONS FANS SHOULD
STILL HAVE HOPE
(Bleacher Report)
honk honk booooooooooop
NEW YORK METS: 10 REASONS FANS SHOULD STILL HAVE HOPE, 8 OF WHICH REMIND READER THAT SUN UNLIKELY TO IMPLODE ANYTIME SOON
March 28, 2012
CLOSURE IS TERRIFIC NEWS FOR METS FANS
(CBS New York)
bop boop bop
METS FANS: ‘CLOSURE IS TERRIFIC.
SO MUCH BETTER THAN WINNING.’
March 27, 2012
TORRES MAKING HIS CASE FOR LEADING OFF
(Mets 360)
blurp bling bloop
TORRES: ‘WELL, SOMEONE’S GOTTA LEAD OFF’
March 26, 2012
ARE THE 2012 NEW YORK METS THAT FAR FROM BEING COMPETITIVE
IN A TOUGH NL EAST?
(BleacherReport.com)
crack, smack, beep
ARE THE 1964 TROGGS THAT FAR FROM BEING THE BEATLES
IN A TOUGH BRITISH INVASION?
March 23, 2012
MURPHY GETS MORE WORK ON TURNING DP
(New York Post)
Booooooooop
MURPHY GETS CLOSER TO INEVITABLE
SEASON-ENDING INJURY
March 20, 2012
Like it or not, Mets owner here to stay
(NY Post)
Beep, bonk, blap
Like it or not, losing is here to stay
March 19, 2012
REPORT FROM PORT ST. LUCIE, 3/13
(Mets Cetera)
booooooooooooop
METS GO 24 HOURS WITH
ALMOST NO ONE INJURED, ARRESTED
March 16, 2012
ANDRES TORRES HAS TIGHTNESS IN HIP
(Mets Blog)
boop clack bank smash
